“I’m not a perfectionist!” said my flawlessly turned-out, not-a-hair-out-of-place client. “How can I be when nothing is ever good enough?”

I let this response hang in the air until slowly, she realized what she’d just said.

And then I saw the penny drop.

Throughout my career, I’ve seen endless smart, talented, enthusiastic people lose themselves and their dreams to the endless pursuit of perfection. Usually, they reach a point where they either give up or burn out.

The dictionary defines perfectionism as ‘refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.’

But is perfection really achievable? I don’t think so. I certainly can’t think of any area of myself, my life, or work that is ‘perfect’. I can think of ‘good’, and even ‘great’, but not ‘perfect’.

Perfectionists measure success not by their results, but by the absence of failure. Realistically however, failure can never be completely eliminated, so those prone to perfectionism opt the next best thing: Avoidance. They can be seen procrastinating, hesitating, chasing themselves in circles, and having a really hard time being visible. They’re often very busy doing things that make them feel as though they’re making progress when really, they’re simply avoiding doing anything that could result in failure and a subsequent beating from their inner critic. What perfectionists are really avoiding is the unpleasant feeling they believe they’ll experience if and when things don’t go according to plan. And so, they give up. In fact, they never really get started. They never see their behavior as ‘quitting’ or ‘giving up’. Instead, they label it as ‘planning’, ‘preparation’, and ‘gathering knowledge’ and it’s not until someone intervenes and helps to break the cycle that they realize they’re sabotaging their own success.

Another consequence of perfectionism is burnout. Perfectionists burn out because they operate from a place of fear and avoidance, not passion and enthusiasm. Their actions are designed to escape the wrath of their inner critic, not drive towards success. They’re not running towards their dreams, they’re running away from failure. And that’s guaranteed to suck the life out of you and leave you feeling empty, lifeless, helpless, and burned out.

Whether they give up or burn out, perfectionists often live seemingly ‘standard’ lives. Their careers are stalled, their success is hobbled, and their dreams are thwarted by their avoidance of failure. The sad thing is, they have the talent, ability, and know-how to achieve unbelievable things.

How do you know if you have perfectionist tendencies? Take a look at this list and see if you recognize yourself in any of these statements:

  • Your inner critic berates you for not being good enough/smart enough/thin enough/fast enough/strong enough/anything enough.
  • You constantly compare yourself to other people.
  • You hesitate to start something unless you’re absolutely certain you can nail it or win. For example, I have a client who decided not to compete in a tennis tournament because he thought he wouldn’t win. What he missed however, was a perfect opportunity to learn and improve. And he might have won!
  • You’re constantly chasing ‘happiness’. You live in the future and believe you’ll be happy only when you’re thinner/when you’re promoted/when you’ve made your first million/when you drive the Aston Martin etc.
  • You’re highly critical of other people.
  • Frequently, you hear the words ‘should’ and ‘should not’ inside your head.

For all you perfectionists out there, there is hope.

Perfectionism is actually not who you are. It’s something you do. If you hear yourself saying “I’m a perfectionist”, take it as a warning that you’re using the label as an excuse to avoid doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

You ‘do’ perfectionism. You are not a perfectionist.

Armed with that knowledge, it’s easy to see that you have the power of overcoming perfectionism. Liberation is possible!

If you lean towards perfectionism, there is one simple question that will help you break free. It’s the question I put to my clients when they give me long, drawn-out explanations about why they’re hesitating, procrastinating, or chasing themselves in circles. That question is, “What action have you taken to bring you closer to your goal?”

It’s a simple question, yet it has the power to break you out of perfectionism. If you feel a little irritated, defensive, even slightly annoyed by the question, that’s your cue to revisit your actions. Ask yourself if they’re moving you closer to your goal, or further away from your fear of failure. The chances are, it’s the latter.

For example, I worked with a client who was seeking promotion to the executive level. She’d had an amazing career and was ready for the next step. When she got to me, she’d spent two years (and a lot of money) attending an array of courses to prepare for the interview and the role. But she hadn’t actually applied for any of the three executive roles that had come available in that time! When I dug further, I learned that she’d been successful in getting every job she’d ever applied for. But she was afraid that she might not get this one, and she was worried about how she would feel if that happened. She was afraid of failing. Her perfectionism was hobbling her realizing her dreams and ambitions.

So how do you go about overcoming perfectionism?

Action. Action is the antidote to perfectionism.

Be very clear on what action will take you closer to your goals and take one small step in that direction. It will feel uncomfortable, and you will feel fear. But ignore your inner critic and do it anyway. The action, no matter how small, will give you courage and information which will inform your next step. Before you know it, you’ll be barrelling along towards realizing your dreams. Letting go of perfectionism allows you to make mistakes and learn. It allows you to improve and get closer to your goal. Letting go allows you to try without fear of self-flagalation if things don’t go as planned. Letting go gives you courage, excitement, and energy. It is truly liberating.

Perfectionism is not about being perfect. It’s about fear of failure, fear of not attracting approval, fear of making a mistake. It’s about the fear of success.

If you have big dreams, there is only one way to realize them. Forget perfection. Take action and learn from it. You can adjust along the way. And the worst that can happen is you grow, succeed, and thrive.

What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below!